Category Archives: Bitching

Just Some Random Thoughts.

* This week’s Supreme Court case has just gone to show how little faith I have in the system at this point in my life. I was raised with proud Democrats, and who did fully believe in the system- just not George W. Bush. It’s just so sad to see a court, who represents us as a whole, deny “criminals” rights like this. It’s absolutely vile and it’s absolute crap. Read the NY Times Article Here

*This week are the A’s vs. Giants games. Last night they won 5-1. So I’m hoping for a sweep baby!

* Sunburns fucking suck.

*The current protests in Iran are fucking changing my life. Wow.


Every roach is a resident

I really feel taken advantage of these days. I feel like I’m always expected to be the strong one. I’ve always given the image that I’m a happy, cookie cutter image…Everything is fine, nothing is ever wrong. And maybe that’s a problem of mine. Maybe I’m not real enough with other people.

Meet In The Middle For Discrimination.

On May 30, many people met in the middle of California; Fresno more specifically to discuss the future of same-sex marriages and equal rights here in California after Prop 8 was upheld by the Supreme Court. It was to be a time of solidarity, celebration, and also protest. Unfortunately, at the same time here at the meeting- a young lesbian woman fell into a seizure..Here is the article written by the Associated Press below, with a current update. (Published 6/15/09)

FRESNO, Calif. — Civil rights groups are urging a hospital in central California to change its policies after employees briefly barred a lesbian from visiting her partner, who went into seizure at a gay marriage march.

Kristin Orbin collapsed May 30 after walking 14 miles in the protest march. She was taken to Fresno’s Community Regional Medical Center, where she says an ambulance driver kept her partner from seeing her in the emergency room.

Teresa Rowe says hospital employees also ignored her requests to talk to a doctor about Orbin’s care.

Lawyers with the American Civil Liberties Union and the National Center for Lesbian Rights on Monday urged the hospital to change its policies.

The nonprofit system that runs the hospital says Orbin received good care and the hospital followed proper procedures.
got the article here

This is why we need to have equal rights for partners. Both heterosexual and homosexual. To deny someone the right to see their partner while in the hospital is despicable. I read the statement from the Fresno hospital and think “who the FUCK cares what kind of care she got?” This isn’t about the care she received, this is about that you did not let her partner COME INTO THE ROOM WITH HER. She could not see her! This angers me to no end. To deny someone the company and comfort that they so wish, is not PROPER procedure.

When I entered the ER, I was able to bring my boyfriend in at the time with me. I was 19 at the time, he 24. We weren’t living together. We hadn’t been dating that long. But he was able to come into the hospital room with me, and when I read this story- it makes me so upset to think I had taken advantage of “heterosexual privilege,” and was fully unaware of it.

I’m not heterosexual though. I’m a proud queer woman. Or bisexual, for those who really want to get technical. And I have been privileged and comforted by the system and have not faced this sort of discrimination before. IT MAKES ME SICK TO THINK THAT THIS HAPPENS. I know that it does, and it’s not necessarily denial that I’m stricken with. It’s the idea that even with things like “domestic partnerships” *and California’s ideologies for the most part- are more progressive.

But it’s that so many people came to Fresno to meet up for equality- and ironically enough, this Fresno hospital is now faced with DISCRIMINATION charges.

*(IF you throw the words “domestic partnerships” in my face, that’s bullshit. They are NOT equal. )

Pulling Out.

I don’t know if anyone saw the deal on ABC regarding sex researcher Rachel K. Jones who published a report on the “pull out method” and claiming that it was an effective form of birth control, and that it was “better than nothing.”
From ABC News…
“The act of withdrawal — the male pulling out before ejaculation — is a long controversial method of birth control, one many sex education classes have condemned as risky.
But Jones’ findings, based on several studies and data from the Guttmacher Institute , a nonprofit organization focused on sexual and reproductive health where she is a senior research associate, were just the opposite.
Her studies found that in perfect use — meaning the man pulls out every time — withdrawal has a 4 percent failure rate, as compared to condoms, which have a 2 percent failure rate.
“But nobody’s perfect,” said Jones, who published her commentary in the June issue of Contraception magazine.
In typical use, when used consistently and correctly, coitus interruptus and condoms have an 18 and 17 percent failure rate, respectively. ”
“Although withdrawal may not be as effective as some contraceptive methods, it is substantially more effective than nothing,” said the report. “It is also convenient, requires no prior planning and there is no cost involved.”

Even sex educators like Dr. Judy Kuriansky from Columbia University’s Teachers College said that “very little could be worse.”

“Teens will misuse the data and boys will use it as an excuse not to wear condoms,” she told “It is also not good for monogamous couples, especially those who are religious and against abortion, who may have more unplanned pregnancies.”

The whole story is here

I hope the world understands how ridiculous this claim is. But unfortunately this is not the case. It is common knowledge that sex education is lacking considerably in both public and private schools. And also more specifically in urban areas. For children who are taught just abstinence-based teachings and were to read this article would be considered naive but this is often the case. Teenagers are easily influenced, ignorant, and have feelings of invincibility. Jones also says that this method is free and affordable, and this will easily hurt groups of poverty and minorities who have statistically shown to have unprotected sex and using said method.

Unfortunately, Jones has fit in to a recent pattern of social movements and beliefs- two steps back, and barely a step forward.

AIDS, Influenza, and Media.

I don’t know how I really feel about the whole pigflu situation. I do believe it’s in need of a better name and that so jokes may cease. But, my biggest problem is the propaganda that’s coming with it. I feel like twitter is flooded with idiots who don’t know what the heck they’re talking about… like shown on xkcd:

With this, people are FREAKING OUT. I guess it makes sense. But to so easily declare it an epidemic, or rather a “phase 5 pandemic” and people are worried because people are catching it left and right.

I almost understand the fear and the homophobia that came out of the 80’s with the rise of the AIDS EPIDEMIC


I feel like the panicking and the fear and the racism (especially towards immigrant Mexican/Latinos) has gotten so whack we have forgotten from the past. Or we have ignored it.

Although the means of spreading said influenza are different than that of a sexually transmitted disease, I feel like what this new pandemic is doing, has totally caused us to forget and silence the HIV/AIDS epidemic worldwide.

HIV/AIDS first made it’s rise in the late 70’s (though debatable) and into the early 80’s, by the mid-80’s and early 90’s, we lost a large population of the LGBT community, the black community, the Haitian community, and so many other¬† groups that have been SILENCED AND IGNORED.

According to the World Health Organization (same group who declared a phase 5 pandemic):

3 million people are living with HIV due to IV drug use.

In 2007, 33-36 million people are reported for living with HIV. This does not include those who obviously do not know they are infected.  30 million, adults. 15 million, women.

In 2007, roughly 2 million people died from AIDS.This does not include those who did not know they were positive, and may have died from HIV/AIDS-related causes.

More than 25 million people have died from AIDS since 1981.

9.7 million people are in life-threatening situations in regards to their health, the virus, and the syndrome.

It’s not a gay disease. It’s not a drug addict’s disease. It’s not a black disease.

AIDS affects us all.

Just like the swine flu. People want to talk about how it’s coming from across the border, and about “who” is bringing it. Disease should not be about the nature of who is bringing it, but rather how it is spread.

AIDS is not a matter of who is giving it, it’s about the problems and the reasons as to why it’s being spread and transmitted. The lack of education, funding, resources, RESEARCH; the homophobia, the racism, the classism, the religions.

Seriously people? The only reason why people are caring about swine in this country is because more well-to-do people are getting sick. If this influenza did not go past the border, who’s going to notice it? Seriously, let’s be honest.


The reason we have no cure for HIV/AIDS is because of the way our media portrayed the disease. Watch “Philadelphia,” and you’ll know. Tom Hanks did not portray a strong gay man. It was not a gay movie. It was a straight man’s gay movie about a really straight* gay man.

*Straight by what society defines as. Middle aged lawyer. Not some fabulous queen.

The stereotypes should repulse you. You should be upset that that was the movie that put AIDS as a concern into American homes.

40,000 people had died from AIDS/72,000 people were living with HIV/AIDS before Ronald Reagan discussed it while president.

And still no cure. Still no vaccine. Still no real proactive medication. You’re full of shit if you tell me the cocktails are working.

So a few deaths of the upper class, and AMERICANS; we suddenly care…and it’s the whole new outbreak (snoutbreak?) of fear.

People once thought you could catch AIDS on a toilet seat.

People now think you can catch swine flu on a toilet seat as well.

People once thought it was just a gay disease.

“Well, now it’s all coming from across the border from the dirty immigrants”**

**(Heard that one this morning)

I seriously do not feel what is going on right now requires the panic, the propaganda, nor the rhetoric. And it angers me to see the “values” and standards of international health/social interests and motives. The way this situation is being handled does lead cause for concern, and I do not demean those who have died, or are hurting because of said illness. However, it angers me that this reaction has lead to action far more quicker than what has occured in the history of the AIDS epidemic. And do not tell me the epidemic is over.

I am still waiting for a cure. I am still wanting answers.

I will eat my bacon, and I will ride the bus. I’m getting carnitas on for lunch on Friday while I go to the Labor Protest/Celebration in Dolores Park.

And that’s about it.

Red Sox.

Today completed day 3 of my great Red Sox escapade out in Oakland. After losing 2 games, and winning this afternoon eating $1 hot dogs under the cloudless sky…It just reminded me of all the little things in my life that I once loved so much but took for granted- and soon was forgotten.

I remembered why I don’t love $1 hotdogs but keep eating them

How much I love going to day baseball games and the days I would play softball as a kid.

How much love I got out of going to Red Sox games more so specifically.

The cheering.

The cause.

I forgot this big part of my life and it’s back now, and I’m really really excited.

I seem to have forgottn happier things because of all the negativity I’ve been focusing on. I have had one helluva year and in so many ways I am beaten, fatigued, and tired. But I am trying to see how I am stronger.

i loved baseball, until i met him.

he didn’t love the red sox.

so we stopped going.

well, i remembered today how despite the hurt, how much better off I am drinking widmer, eating $1 hot dogs, and cheering on Pedroia and conjuring up my dream wedding with him.

the world is such a wonderful place

Cannot Take Advantage Of Me.
Cannot Belittle Me.
Cannot Think Less of Me.
Are shorter than me.
disrespect me.
are an idiot for letting me go.

am an idiot for holding onto this.
have no worth it seems.
am the best you’ll ever have.